Ugly Parent Syndrome: The Dark Side of Youth Sports We Can’t Ignore
This opinion piece appeared in The West Australian on 27 July 2024. By Deborah Childs CEO HelpingMinds plus concerned Mother and Grandma.
With the Olympic Games still fresh in our minds, we’re left with the inspiration and exhilaration that only such a global sporting event can provide. The stories of athletes pushing their limits, achieving their dreams, and representing their countries with pride remind us of the value of sport in our lives. Sport is more than entertainment; it’s a celebration of human potential and a vital component of physical and mental wellbeing. This enthusiasm extends beyond our television screens and into our daily lives as we encourage our children to participate in sports, hoping they too will experience the benefits of teamwork, discipline, and the joy of competition. Yet, alongside the positives, there exists an increasingly concerning trend that threatens to undermine the very essence of sport. It’s called Ugly Parent Syndrome, and this phenomenon is characterised by parents who exhibit poor behaviour at their children’s sporting events. And it’s not just a minor irritant; it’s a serious issue with far-reaching consequences for both the children involved and society as a whole. Anyone who’s attended a youth sporting event has likely witnessed it: the parent who yells at the referee, argues with coaches, or even berates their own child for a perceived lack of effort. In fact, a recent study by University of South Australia found 70 per cent of junior athletes had witnessed negative behaviour from the sidelines. These behaviours are not only embarrassing but can also be damaging to the children they’re intended to support. Children are sensitive to the actions and emotions of their parents, and when those actions include anger, aggression, or unrealistic expectations, the results can be detrimental to their mental health. The question we must ask ourselves is, what impact is this having on our next generation? The answer, unfortunately, is not a positive one. Children who are exposed to such behaviour may experience increased anxiety, a diminished love for the sport, and, in some cases, long-term issues with self-esteem. The UniSA study confirmed that parents who were overly critical, second-guessed referees, or became abusive, had a higher chance of seeing antisocial behaviours in their child. Moreover, these children may internalise the idea that success is tied to aggression and that failure is something to be met with anger or shame rather than as an opportunity for growth. In some cases, these behaviours spill over into other aspects of life. For example, in a sailing club where I’ve personally witnessed this syndrome, misogynistic and bullying behaviours are displayed by parents in some misguided belief they are helping their child. These actions set a terrible example for children, who may come to see such conduct as acceptable or even necessary for success. At footy matches, parents screaming at the referee or berating their child from the sidelines contributes to a toxic environment that’s far removed from the ideals of sportsmanship and fair play that sports are supposed to teach. There’s also the troubling possibility that a parent’s belligerent behaviour might also occur in private. Children growing up in such environments are at risk of repeating these patterns in their own relationships, perpetuating a cycle of aggression and bullying. So how do we address this issue? The first step is awareness. Parents need to recognise when their behaviour crosses the line from supportive to destructive. Sports clubs and organisations must take a stand, implementing codes of conduct that clearly outline acceptable behaviour and the consequences for violating these standards. Education is key. Just like being educated on the risks of getting behind the wheel before sitting a driving test, parents need to be provided with resources and workshops that help them understand the psychological impact their actions have on their children before they do real damage to the next generation. It’s also important to foster a culture of positive reinforcement, where the focus is on effort, enjoyment, and personal growth rather than solely on winning. Encouraging parents to cheer for all participants, respect the officials, and model good sportsmanship can go a long way in creating a healthy environment for young athletes. Finally, as a society, we need to reflect on what we truly value in sports and in life. Are we prioritising our children’s well-being, or are we more concerned with winning and reliving our own dreams through them? The next time you find yourself at a youth sporting event, take a moment to observe the behaviour around you. If you see something troubling, consider how you might intervene, whether by setting a positive example or by having a conversation with the offending parent. The future of not only our children but our healthy communities — and our relationship with sport — depends on it.
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In a recent chat with 2GB Sydney – Deb Childs, CEO of HelpingMinds, tells Mike that while sports are crucial for children’s physical and mental development, the issue of “ugly parent” behavior casts a dark shadow over junior sports in Australia.
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Listen to HelpingMinds CEO, Deb Child’s latest discussion on “ugly parent” behaviour at Junior sport with Townsville Star radio Hosts Jack and Danni.
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